Whoever said "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie"..........Didn't sleep with dogs! !
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog....and a dog at rest!!
Rule Number one: The deeper the sleep....the heavier the dog!
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position in bed......with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is VERY effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm it's way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs shove a sleeping human to the floor!
Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running and kicking, your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye movement and then....suddenly....a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail! The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep....the louder the dog!
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the three inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dogflesh sleeps........breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face. Some dogs choose to romp all over your sleeping bodies. Then...there is the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes......YOU wake too!
So, why do we put up with this? There is no sane reason! Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night......safe, contented and loud!
Author unknown....
This portion of our website is dedicated to the lighter side of dogs. The funny and charming things that they do! Check here often for new jokes, articles and cartoons all about dogs! Enjoy! !
Dog pet peeves about humans !
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping
2. Blaming your farts on me........NOT FUNNY ! !
3. Yelling at me for barking......I'm a friggin dog idiot ! !
4. How you naively believe that the cat isn't all over everything when you're gone. ( Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a
little like cat butt?)
5. Any trick involving balancing food on my nose......STOP IT ! !
6. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet....IDIOT ! !
7. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look....we both know the truth.....you're jealous!
8. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? .......imbecile!
9. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home!
10. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard.....Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
11. Taking me to the vet for " the big snip" then acting surprised when I don't like that place every time we go back there !
12. The slight of hand fake fetch thow....you fooled a dog ! ! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain! You nit wit !
13. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the VISIBLE fence
problem ! !
14. Taking me for a walk and then not letting me check stuff out......who's walk is it anyway? ?
author unknown
